The Housework Game

Despite being genetically and culturally programmed to clean to a higher standard than a normal human being (I’m Dutch on both sides), I loath cleaning. I love a clean home, but I loath cleaning.

I loath the time it takes. I loath that it doesn’t last for more than a few days (or hours, when the kids were little). I loath the time it takes from more interesting and productive pursuits – like knitting, cooking or watching Slice. (My vice IS Slice.) I loath that I am being judged on how clean my home is (or isn’t). Did I mention I loath the time it takes?

But a clean home is so peaceful, so right, so comfortable, so welcoming, so…clean. So clean I must unless I can coerce someone else to do it for me. There was a time that I actually paid someone to clean my home. That lasted for a few short years back when the kids were teens. Now referred to as that time “Mizz D Was So Anemic She Could Have Died.” Thankfully I didn’t die, but IF I HAD DIED, AT LEAST MY HOUSE WOULD HAVE BEEN CLEAN. (And Dutch women everywhere can understand this sentiment. In fact next time I am going to Holland, I am going to check out the graveyards because I am sure there is a line on Dutch womens’ tombstones that says something to the effect that they wish they had spent more time cleaning.)

So, blood iron levels restored (thanks to a hysterectomy and Floradix Formula), I have no more excuses for poor housekeeping (according to Dutch women everywhere) so I am coming up with ways to make it, shall we say, more sporting – and thus, hopefully more tolerable.

I came up with the Housework Game Version 2: “How much housework can I get done in an hour?” I can do anything for an hour, right? I set the stove clock and I’m off and running.

Today I managed to:

  • vacuum the living room, TV room, kitchen, hallway, stairs, bedroom and upstairs bathroom
  • clean upstairs bathroom
  • wash kitchen floor

All with 2 minutes to spare on the clock.

Version 1 debuted a few years back – before I knew I was already a citizen of the foggy world of Anemia. It was called “How much housework can I get done before I finish this honkin‘ big glass of red wine?” The beauty of this game was that, by the time the glass was finished, I was ready to pour another and keep on cleanin‘. Yeah, good times. By the time the house was sparkling, I was too.

Now I am an abstainer so I need to come up with other ways to get the house clean. Anybody out there got some good ideas to make housekeeping more palatable?

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