Everything is Hard

Dear Bloggie,

After giving myself a stern talking-to, I did manage to haul my ass down the street to yoga class tonight.

Didn’t go last week ‘cos I thought I was coming down with the plague. Still feel that way but no plague in sight so no reason not to go. It’s the plague that cried wolf, clearly. Last week it was in my ear tubes. Now it’s made my throat feel rough – hot and sandy. Like I was screaming my lungs out at a concert the night before. Feels just like the beginning of the flu but it never advances into full-blown disease. Weird.

As I knew would happen, I was glad I went to yoga once it was done…but the gettin’ there?! Oh man.

Received 2 Christmas cards in the mail today. Reminding me that I need to do mine – especially the ones for overseas. I usually love doing this (as I love going to yoga) but right now Everything is Hard.

Yoga, Christmas, writing this blog post…you name it. Everything. Is. Hard.

I’ve had a tree up for over a week but nary a decoration on it yet. And no inclination to hang any. I will have to force myself to do this, as I forced myself to put the tree up in the first place, and forced myself to go to yoga. And will force myself to send out Christmas cards.

This is not me.

But obviously it IS me. For now, for this time. I am sure this too will pass.

But right now, I accept that Everything is Hard.

Rock on,

The WB

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Reticula

Maybe it’s because I live in the United States of Insanity, but I feel the same ennui. I’m putting all my hope in the B-12 injections I’m giving myself every week. Or maybe it’s because I don’t get enough sleep these months when I post every day. Just wanted you to know it’s not just you.

Widow Badass

Thanks Reticula!

For me I think it is mainly 2 things. 1 – the plague I’ve been fighting off for over a week has finally taken hold. 2 – I am reliving my last weeks and days with my mother coming to die at my house at this time last year. It was a wonderful, terrible time and its echoes are reverberating through my soul right now.

Oh, and now a 3rd thing as of yesterday – my sister’s ex is ramping up his verbal abuse and craziness as their divorce approaches. I am scared for her and also triggered as this is bringing back memories of my own ordeal of being harassed by an ex.

I absolutely get what you are feeling about the US of I. I feel it too. I see this happening around the world (not just the US) and fear that we are about to enter another dark time. We humans never learn, do we?

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