August is a great month. Fresh corn, peaches, and tomatoes are all available. I have music festivals lined up for each of the first 3 weeks. I’m seeing The Rocky Horror Show in Stratford during the last week of August. It’s my son’s birthday next weekend and I’m throwing him a birthday dinner to celebrate.
What is not to love?
Well, my daughter, who has been living with me for the past 2 years while pursuing her MSW, and her boyfriend, who has been living with us for the past 6 months, are pulling out of Ontario mid-month to start a new life out on the west coast, in British Columbia.
I’m very happy for them. This is the right move for them, for many reasons. And I’m a wee bit envious of their grand adventure. But I’m also going to miss them like crazy.
My place is going to feel very empty for a while. I am going to have to deal with coming home every day to an empty house, again.
Don’t get me wrong – I love living alone.
I want to live alone.
I deserve to live alone.
But every time I have people stay for a length of time, when they leave I have to get used to living alone all over again. And having a child not only leave but move 3-fucking-thousand miles away is going to multiply my alone-feeling exponentially.
I don’t want this to happen:
Hehehehe…the opening of this movie continues to crack me up every time I watch it.
But seriously, I don’t want this to be me.
So I am drafting a bit of a plan, to adjust to being alone again.
Instead of eating or drinking my feelings (a real fear, people), I plan to exercise them. Instead of moping around the house, I plan to clean and organize it. Instead of being my introverted, antisocial self, I might actually call a friend and make a plan to go out.
OK, maybe that last one is a bit of a stretch. 😉
I feel good that I’m anticipating my sadness and have a plan to deal with it.
Today’s post was supposed to be about what a great time I had last Friday at the spa with fellow bloggers Karen and Joanne, and then the continued birthday celebrations at home Saturday, and then meeting lovely Karen The Unassuming Hiker (another blogger I admire) and her equally lovely husband for lunch on Sunday, and how bagged I am from all the socializing and then having to do the job of 2 people at work all week, and my need to recover from all of the above. Whew.
But instead this is what I really need to write about.
Rock on,
The WB
It’s good to have a plan to overcome what is sure to happen…that empty nest syndrome. I see a 3,000 mile road trip in your future once your daughter gets settled.
August really is a great month, isn’t it!
Yep, you are right Jean. My future road trip planning just got more detailed. Thanks!
I appreciate that you wrote about what you needed to write about rather than what you were ‘supposed’ to write about. Keep it real! I totally sympathize with the ‘love when they come home’ and ‘love living alone’ feelings – the transitions take adjustment but we can find joy and peace in each. Like your plan — and look forward to your posts on progress (or lack thereof). Enjoy your day!
Thanks Janet! After spending many years feeling muzzled by my late husband, I am more than happy to keep it as real as I feel.
That’s why you’re the Widow Badass!
I’m going to go through a similar transition when Misha moves out at the end of the month. It’s been comfortable to have him here the past 6 months and I’m already anticipating missing him.
It’s interesting you should mention cleaning and organizing – especially after saying that the summertime is not for house work!! … but that’s the mood I’ve been in too. The past 2 days I’ve been in a serious cocooning mode and made a major dent in setting up my new personal space. Thanks for the nudge 🙂
… and I’m looking forward to seeing you again in a few weeks!!
Summertime is not for housework…unless the weather is terrible. But desperate times call for desperate measures 😜. Thanks Joanne. Looking forward to seeing you in a few weeks time too. Hopefully the weather cooperates and we can get out on the kayaks!
When people change in your immediate life, there’s always an adjustment period and it sounds like you have this nailed. It’s a plan, stick to it. I’ve seen many people come and go in my life, I try to hang onto the good, acknowledge the less than good– then accept. I think you’ll do great with the changes you’ll soon be facing.
Thank you Ally!
Hi Deb,
I think it is perfect that you write about exactly what you need to write about. Writing is cathartic – we know that. And you’ve got a plan and friends who will stay in touch with you to make sure you’re not feeling alone (waving my hand here). After some initial sadness, all will be well!
I hope you’re having a relaxing, restorative weekend, Deb.
Thank you Karen! I’m replying from the banks of the Grand River, where I’m listening to some delightful old-timey 🎶 at the Mill Race Folk Festival. Had a nap this afternoon and I feel like human again 😁.
Hi, Deb – You met Joanne (My Life Lived Full) and Karen (The Unassuming Hiker)?! What an awesome trio. I am totally jealous!
When you come out to visit your daughter and her boyfriend in BC, let me know. If you are anywhere near my area (Mid-Vancouver Island) I’d love to meet.
BTW – Great clip!!! I had forgotten about that!
Thanks Donna! I also met up with another Karen (Profound Journey) last weekend. After being in blogging wilderness for almost 9 years, it was wonderful to spend time with so many bloggers I admire. I will certainly let you know when I head to the island, as that’s where the kids are planning on settling! It would be great to meet IRL.
I’m so happy that it’s Vancouver Island that they chose (I was afraid that you were going to say something like Kitimat)! I already look forward to your visit!
BTW – That is so cool that you met up with Karen H. as well!
I like a woman with a list and a plan and even if you veer from your course you’ve set your intention. Vancouver Island is a treat to visit especially in the spring. Something to plan for!
Agreed! Thanks Susanne.
I can feel your sadness through this post. How hard to fill the void when loved ones leave – particularly going so far away! I like how you’ve made plans to deal with your feelings in a positive way, and at the same time not burying them which doesn’t work in the long run. I love August, too, and gobble fresh corn and wild Maine blueberries. What a special time you had meeting up with the two Karens and Joanne. I hope you will write about it at some point.
Thanks Molly! As my wise daughter says: it’s ok to feel sad.
Yes. It is part of the fullness of life, Deb.
Hey, that’s pretty deep thinking there, Ms. Shallow Reflections 😉😁
Oops! Didn’t mean to reveal that about myself!
Your secret is safe with me! 😉
It is going to be an adjustment, but you will soldier on because you are a Bad Ass!! So great to meet you, we just got home and are still loving everyone and everything about Canada!!
Thank you Karen! So happy to hear that you and Jurgen enjoyed your trip, and so happy we were able to meet up. 💕
That’s a big adjustment to make Deb – the empty nest is one thing 3,000 miles is another thing entirely! I hope you find really wonderful things to fill your time with – if you get really bored you could hop on a plane and come visit us all in Australia – I have a guest room xx
Awww, thanks Leanne! How kind of you. Have always wanted to see Australia. Maybe someday you’ll open your door and see me standing there 😜. Stranger things have happened!
Distance from family is a challenge… I’ve lived 500 miles from my sister and 400 miles from my mom for years. I’m glad to hear you’re planning a trip to see them after they are settled. And plans for dealing with the transition to emptiness again. You know I adore plans! And yes, they are fine to change up as well. Keep reaching out to folks to help – both IRL and on-line. There are many folks in your life to help fill some of the empty.
Thanks Pat! Great advice.
Come visit the UK – I live in a beautiful part of the country in Devon. We have moors, beaches, great countryside and lovely people! It’s a cliche I know, but as one door closes another opens.
Thanks Pat! Another place I’d love to visit (again – was there briefly a whole lifetime ago). So nice to know I can meet up with blogging friends around the world if I so choose. Of course, the reverse holds true as well. If any of my blogging friends are in my neighbourhood, they are most welcome. After next week, my guest room is vacant once again.
Oh, I so feel for you. 3 of mine are 2000 miles away. 2 of them have my grandbabies.. Wah… Fortunately, I still have one here and I am thankful for that. I do need to get back east and see my other kiddos and the grands. I’m hoping for a holiday visit. – Living alone is wonderful, growing experience and it’s fun and I wish you nothing but amazing moments and nothing like Bridget, altho that intro really is funny. Hahah. Happy Tuesday!
Thank you Mimi! No grands yet – that would make things even harder, I think! They grow up so fast…
It is a tough adjustment – I used to have our summer interns at my old job stay with me back in my single days over the summer. It was always strange when they were gone, though it only took a few days for me to get used to having the house to myself again (and happily so). I imagine it would be far harder to have one of your own kids leave.
On the plus side, I would view this as an excuse to do some traveling out to Beautiful British Columbia (I know it’s beautiful because it’s on their license plates – plus, all that time I’ve spent there).
Thank you Sarah. Yes, it’s beautiful there and I expect more visits there in my future!
Bridget Jones openings are brilliant! I’m sure it will be a bit of an adjustment, but think of the trips to beautiful BC.
Thanks Tracey! I’m anticipating some lovely trips!
I imagine there will be period of adjustment – but I’m pretty sure you’ll adjust quickly, especially as you have an awesome plan =)
Thanks AJ!
I can totally relate. As we make our way to the U.S. and I get to see 2 of my brood I am already thinking about how hard it will be to say goodbye to them… I too love my life, but I still miss them and their company and hate the miles between us.
Enjoy the rest of summer ,as all too soon it will be Fall…..
Peta
Thank you Peta! Same to you!
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