Pay Attention When You Have a Violent Reaction to Something

On Friday I made a post of some favourite Canadian music artists  of mine. I deliberately left off one very talented artist because of one song that just makes me gnash my teeth whenever I hear it.

City and Colour – The Girl. Go ahead and take a listen. I’ll be here when you come back.

A lot of people love this song. They think it is tender and romantic. It makes my blood boil.

Dallas Green sings: You sacrifice so much of your life in order for this to work.

And: If you were to leave; fulfil someone else’s dreams, I think I might totally be lost.

I end up mentally (or actually, if I’m alone) screaming whenever this song comes on the radio:

Oh yeah, what about her own fucking dreams, huh?! Why is The Girl’s only purpose to fulfil someone else’s dreams? What about her own dreams? Why does she have to sacrifice so much of her own fucking life to make the relationship work? Where is your sacrifice, Dude?!?!

Lately I’ve been thinking about this violent reaction I have to what most people would say is a gentle and loving tribute to someone in the artist’s life.

If you’re acquainted with this blog or know me in person, you’re probably shaking your head right now and thinking it’s so bloody obvious. And yes, it is to me now. I hate the lyrics in this song because It. Is. About. Me.

I’m the one who sacrificed her own dreams for most of my adult life to support the two husbands I committed to. Men who either were or would have been totally lost (at least temporarily) when/if I left.

So I’m furious with this song because it reminds me that I alone allowed this to happen. I willingly drank the Kool-Aid. And I’m still not at peace with myself for doing this. Although it is getting better.

A valuable lesson for me to remember: that when I have a violent reaction to something that doesn’t warrant that much emotion there is some inner work I need to do.

My apologies to City and Colour for omitting them from my Friday post. It’s not you; it’s me. Really.

Rock on,

The WB

 

 

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The Breakfast of Epic Proportions

Breakfast is my favourite meal of the day. But I only get to enjoy it to the fullest on the weekends, usually.

Weekday mornings I’m just not hungry enough before I have to leave for work, or otherwise too cramped for time to truly savour this meal.

But today is Saturday and once again I prepared THE BREAKFAST OF EPIC PROPORTIONS. Just a little name I give to the types of breakfasts I like to have…hehehe.

Behold:

This is everything I love about food, in one bowl.

I found a recipe on Ye Olde Interwebs earlier this week and vowed to make it at my earliest opportunity.

Paleo Oven Pancake with Bacon – makes 4 generous epic servings

You know breakfast is epic if it can carry you through to supper.

Rock on,

The WB

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12 Canadian Artists I’m Loving Right Now

We’re not just about Celine Dion, Nickleback and Justin Bieber here in the Great White North, ya know?

I may have mentioned this before on Ye Olde Blogge: I am loving and appreciating the Canadian alternative music scene like never before. It’s always been great IMHO, but lately the quantity and quality of music is just blowing my mind.

Here are just some of the current crop of Canadian bands/artists that I think are just great, in no particular order. Check them out!

First up, Hollerado:

Serena Ryder:

Bleeker:

Mother Mother:

The Glorious Sons:

The Zolas:

July Talk:

USS:

The Darcys:

Monster Truck:

The Sheepdogs:

And of course, Arcade Fire:

Rock on, eh!

The WB

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Throwback Thursday – The Jersey Boys

This week a memorable date in Widow Badass-ology came and went. On November 14 it was the 4th anniversary of my becoming a widow. I’ve already discussed that recently, and in various places all over the blog – use the search feature if interested – so I didn’t feel like writing about it again so soon.

Except to say that I have such mixed feelings about that date… Is it my birthday? Is it a sad day? It was the day my life took a drastic turn. It was the day I got my life and freedom back. It was the day I lost someone I once thought of as a soul mate. It was the day another human being close to me left this life far too early. So many conflicting feelings, all of them valid. Which I am OK now to acknowledge, and move on.

In thinking about what to write today for NaBloPoMo, I was coming up empty so I thought I’d do a Throwback Thursday to a happier November 14th.

November 14, 2015 – My mom had come to live die with me by this point. The chemo wasn’t working anymore and she had had enough. Months before all this had happened I had bought tickets to take her to see Jersey Boys – a musical Mom had long expressed interest in seeing. Then my aunt came to spend some time with her sister one last time in October of that year. Mom really wanted Tante to come to the show as well. So flights were changed and another ticket was sought out.

My friend, Mizzuz J, Me, Mom and Tante waiting for the show to begin.

Tante had a brilliant idea to get the cast of the Jersey Boys to come out to say hi to Mom after the show. So she somehow got backstage at Intermission and made it happen. What a woman!

Mom – in the centre of it all.

Oh my, we had fun that day. Mom was clearly in her glory, surrounded by all that…er…talent.

Rock on,

The WB

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My “Go Beige” Moment

I remember reading an article about Sophia Loren years ago. She (at that time) only ever wore 1 lipstick colour. It was called “Go Beige”. And when she found out it was going to be discontinued, she bought up all the remaining stock and kept it in a cooler so that she would never run out of it.

I remember thinking at the time how boring that was. I loved (and to a certain extent still do) playing with makeup and to have only 1 shade of lipstick to use seemed so limiting – so like my mother’s style of making up to go out when I was a kid: red lipstick, powder, mascara…DONE! (Ladies did not wear much else in the makeup department, back then. Not if they were “ladies”.) Her makeup collection could fit in the palm of my hand. Whereas mine takes up most of a very large and deep drawer.

I possess probably way more lipstick colours than I should, considering that I usually only apply it once a day (just before I head out to work, if I think of it) and then switch to Burt’s Bees lip balm for the rest of the day.

Yet what can I say? One is always on the lookout for the perfect-er shade of red or pink or wine or pinky-mauve or browny-pink or….

For the past 4+ years (a record for cosmetically-fickle me), this is the one lip colour I have returned to, again and again:

I wish it had a cool name like Go Beige but alas, it is just good ol’ 104.

It’s not an expensive brand of lipstick. Rimmel can be found in just about any drugstore. This colour is just the perfect matte-ish warm rose that goes well with my skin tone no matter how much or little sun I’ve been getting or what clothes I’m wearing. It’s like my natural lip colour on steroids. You might as well call it my Go Beige colour.

I was at the drug store on the weekend and happened to notice that my already inexpensive little friend was on sale. So I picked up a tube, thinking it would be good to have another on hand just in case Rimmel ever decides to discontinue (horrors!!!) this line and this colour.

I threw it in the drawer in the vanity for a couple of days, but then thought about what Sophia did and decided to move it to the fridge because it might be a year months before I have to replace my current one and it couldn’t hurt to keep it cool.

This is what I found when I opened the seldom-glanced-at top compartment on the fridge door that I wanted to store the lipstick in:

Huh! Looks like I already squirreled an extra 104 in there, at some point. Plus a partially consumed bar of chocolate I received at my MBA grad, back in June 2016.

So now I have 2 backup lipsticks. And some old chocolate. (Don’t even ask me about the Lindt bars underneath the Athabasca bar either. They have to be at least as old.)

I’m thinking there is a high probability that there will be a 104 #3 to join 1 and 2 in the fridge someday, as once again I will see it on sale and think: Hmmm, I should pick up “a” backup, just in case.

And let’s not kid ourselves – when I finally do run out of my current tube, I won’t remember what’s in the fridge. I’ll just go to the drugstore and pick up another one up.

Sometimes I find myself and the things I do unintentionally hilarious. This is one of them.

Anybody else do stuff like this? Please?

Rock on,

The WB

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If It Lasts That Long…

Last night I made something new. Something I’ve been wanting to make for a few years’ now.

Every year I would read posts about this stuff and vow to make it the next year. Only to be reminded too late in the season to have it ready in time for guests and gifting.

But not this year! 2017 is gonna be the year of Alton Brown’s Aged Eggnog.

This is what’s left over for personal use valuable research on aging nog, after I put 3 pint jars of this boozy deliciousness away in the fridge.

I had thought I had more glass jars available than I in fact did, so I ended up putting the rest of the nog into an ancient indestructible juice pitcher that used to belong to JD’s grandmother. I will find it a more suitable container or two today – one that doesn’t take up quite so much valuable fridge real estate.

I don’t like store-bought eggnog – with or without added booze – since I’ve become an adult. And I’m not one for sweet alcoholic drinks, normally. (I will make an exception for Bajan rum punch though, heavy on the lime.)

I still have the bottle of Baileys Irish Cream I bought for Mom to enjoy and she’ll be gone 2 years this December. I have to move it around the fridge every now and then to make space for something else and I never think to pour myself a glass. Talk about taking up valuable real estate! Does it even need to be kept refrigerated? I must check.

When it comes to things alcoholic, give me a dry wine (red or white) or a crisp lager or an ultra dry vodka martini (with olives) and I’m a happy camper.

So it doesn’t make sense that this recipe has captivated me. I must say though, the nog IS mighty tasty already (think liquid premium ice cream with a kick) and is supposed to get even more so the longer it sits. It’s gonna be amazing after 1 year.

Rock on,

The WB

 

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Mindful Monday – the Zafu

I’m shaking off the blog frustrations plaguing me lately and I’m going to try something new on ye old blogge – a theme for one day of the week: Mindful Mondays.

Each Monday I am going to post about something related to introducing more mindfulness into my life. I’ve been fascinated by (and dabbled in) Buddhist thinking and practice since I was first introduced to it in Writing Down the Bones, by Natalie Goldberg, way back in the early nineties. Reading Robert Wright’s Why Buddhism is True: The Science and Philosophy of Enlightenment  reminded me recently of all that just “clicks” for me about this philosophy.

And I promise not to get all preachy about it, like I just turned raw vegan or something. That’s not really my style. This is more my style:

I couldn’t have said it better myself.

Initially I balked at the idea of having to BUY something with which to sit still and empty my mind, but after a couple of painful attempts at meditating last week, I reconsidered my stance.

I found this cushion on Amazon.ca and both the price and the reviews were fantastic. I am absolutely thrilled with my buckwheat-filled zafu.

Loving this cushion

It’s still hard AF to quiet my mind, but at least my hips, legs, and back aren’t yelling at me the whole time. I could sit for a whole 10 minutes this morning. Baby steps, people, baby steps!

Rock on,

The WB

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This is Getting Old

The new email subscription widget I oh-so hopefully installed yesterday doesn’t work so I’ve removed it.

I tried subscribing with various emails (personal, work, theWB@widowbadass.com)…got an error message with each one when I clicked on the link to confirm my subscription. Shit.

Spent about an hour trying to figure out the problem with no success and finally decided it is not to be, for whatever reason. At least not for today. So the offending widget has been plucked, once again!

My old subscription widget (Feedburner) is still sending out emails with blog posts despite being inactivated AND deleted, so please unsubscribe (click link in email) if you receive one.

I sure hope Jetpack isn’t lying when they say people will be offered to subscribe to the blog through the comments. If someone could try it out and let me know if it actually works, that would be great.

This is all I have for today – I have to move on to other necessities of life, like grocery shopping and trying to catch up on the work backlog. See you on the blog tomorrow!

Rock on,

The WB

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If Thine Widget Offends Thee, Pluck It Out*

As (insert deity of your choice) is my witness, I will figure this blog thing out!

*From the scriptures of the little known Clueless Blogger’s Bible….that I just might write someday.

So, thanks to a comment from Joanne, the WHITE SCREEN OF DEATH commenting problem related to ye olde blogge might be because of an email subscription widget that I have been using since FOREVAH.

So I have ditched it and instead activated the subscription feature that is inside of Jetpack. I have also enabled a “follow” option for commenters.  I am having difficulty testing it out because my blog already knows (and hopefully loves) me. Although I did test out commenting from outside the blog and it worked – several times! Hoorah!!!!

But because ye olde blogge knows who I am, it is not offering me the “follow blog” or “follow comments” options so I am not sure if they are even there or working.

If someone wouldn’t mind trying to comment and letting me know if they see these options or not, this clueless blogger would be most appreciative.

Rock on,

The WB

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Lordey, I Love Me a Presale

This morning I woke up to this:

Pretty, no? If only it disappeared by Jan 2…

It was a dark and stormy night…Last night was rainy and blowy as a cold front came roaring in. Mizz J and I looked at each other in alarm a couple of times during the evening as the wind sounded like a convoy of heavy transport trucks driving around the building. At some point the rain turned to snow – snow that stayed on the ground this time.

But enough about that. What I am really excited about is how the concert “season” is already shaping up for 2018!

I have 3 big shows lined up already – 2 thanks to being able to use presale codes.

Last time Foo Fighters were in town, Mizz J and I weren’t able to locate tickets (at non vital-organ-selling prices) and I deeply regretted missing this show and seeing Dave in all his Dave-of-Thrones, broken-legged glory. But this time – THIS TIME – there was a presale that I could take advantage of (thank you Capitol One!!!) so those are IN THE BAG for next July.

And yesterday I was able to use another presale code (thank you LiveNation!) to grab a pair of tickets to see Royal Blood and Queens of the Stone Age in London in May. These two bands were in Toronto fairly recently – just after I came back from Kelowna in September – and I was triggered to pick up a ticket every time I heard the show being advertised on the radio. Which was a lot.

Well, due to an attack of sudden-onset miserliness I ultimately decided to take a pass on this one. So they came and went without me in the audience. And I had regretted it ever since. Until yesterday!

The 3rd show I’m committed to is actually not a concert per se, but a weekend-long music festival. I am going to return to Riverfest Elora, August 17-19. And I have sold Mrs. & Mrs. Me Too on the idea so they are going to come down and stay with me and WHAT A TIME WILL BE HAD BY ALL, let me tell you!

Thinking on these 3 events and dreaming of what other 2018 shows may pop up on my musical horizon to tempt me is going to be a bright spot during the long, dark, cold days ahead.

Rock on,

The WB

 

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